2012: My Year in Review

We all have those things in our lives that we say were “really hard” to go through.  Things that challenged us.  Things that pushed us to our limits and made us question what we’re made of.  What our faith is made of.  What Jesus is made of.  I used to think I knew what the “hard” things were in my life.  2012 changed that.

As I reflect on 2012 I can honestly say it has been the hardest year of my life.  The kind of heartache and disappointment I have encountered these last twelve months is something I can hardly express in words.  The loss of my family as we knew and loved it has challenged and changed me in ways I never thought possible.  My Dad – the man I knew to be solid, rational and faithful – is something of the past.  There are different kinds of death – losing a loved one to their own devices is one of those.  Learning to live with his choices has, and continues to be the forgiveness journey of a lifetime.  I will spend the rest of my life wrestling with his choices – and daily having to make the decision to forgive.  That’s HARD.

However, 2012 has also been one of the BEST years of my life.  It’s so odd to feel those two extremes at once.  I’m sure we can all relate on some level to this paradox.  In the midst of loss and despair I have experienced God in a way that I never knew.  I’ve been getting to know God “the Father”.  Apparently I didn’t pay much attention to this part of God’s personality before because I HAD a father.  A great one.  But now I don’t.  And God “the Father” is an unspeakable well of comfort and peace and joy that I never knew about.  Getting to know more of God always outweighs the despair.  ALWAYS.

I’ve also been given the most supportive and loving husband in the world.  Seriously, in the world.  At least in my world! And guess what else?  We’re going to be parents! In about 19 weeks, Maddox Carter Stotts will be here.  That’s incredible.  Take that 2012!

What’s my point?  My point is, 2012 has helped me learn that it’s ok to feel blessing and sadness at once.  I’ve learned that every single good gift I’ve got comes from God the Father and He has me square in his hand.  He has my marriage in his hand.  He has us all in his safe, loving hands.  Death always makes new life possible.  And spiritual growth is never-ending.  Just when you think you’ve gone through it all, God brings more and more of himself into focus.  That makes me excited for 2013 – no matter what.

The Spiritual life cannot be made suburban.  It is always frontier, and we who live in it must accept and even rejoice that it remains untamed. – Howard Macey

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3 Comments

  1. Marlena Fowler

     /  December 31, 2012

    Amen

    Reply
  2. This is really beautiful. I needed this. I’m so proud of you for all the ways that you have stayed faithful to God in spite of all the craziness. You are my chicky and I love you!

    Also, I will spoil your son.

    haha! love you.

    Brooke

    Reply
  1. 2012: My Year in Review « THINK TANK

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